Psychedelics, Somatics, and an Ironman
About 1 year ago, I felt myself building a cocoon. I knew I was journeying inward and would need to retreat from others for this inner-exploration and work. Because I grew up feeling that my existence was about giving, and caretaking— focusing my attention inwards felt dangerous and defiant. I wasn’t sure my relationships could survive a time when I had little to nothing to give. And this unknown, is exactly what would lead me to healing this deep, inner-wound.
Around this time I made two choices that would be absolutely pivotal in my journey—
1) I began psychedelic-assisted Somatic therapy.
2) I began training for the California Ironman 2024.
See below some videos and photos from my year of training for the IRONMAN.
The Ironman training helped me be in my body throughout the trauma of my Mom’s death. It reminded me that an elevated heart rate is nothing to be afraid of. It reminded me that my body is alive and capable of changing. It gave me tools for managing stress hormones like cortisol. It taught me about fueling my body with nutrition and sleep. I learned to feel into the difference between my inner-intuition-voice and my inner-trauma-response-voice. While building strength and endurance, I also prioritized restoration in foam rolling, cold plunges, Yin and Nidra yoga. It helped me stay structured in my commitment to my body— it guided me through intense resistance, collapse and despair. I felt the density of my flesh and the expansiveness of my lungs.
There is a fear of mortality that is common amongst survivors of family-members who die from terminal disease. When Western Medicine says, “the likelihood of a person developing any kind of cancerous brain tumor is less than 1%",” some of us have experienced being the 1%. Relief of statistics just kinda goes away. In the year and half between my Dad’s death and my Mom’s death, I underwent 2 sleep studies, 1 echocardiogram, 1 cardio-stress test, 3 asthma attacks that lead me to urgent care, and many blood labs. I felt my heart more. I felt my lungs more. And I felt my heart break and was absolutely convinced I was having a heart attack. Turns out— it was all somatic and my heart is very much alive and well. The Ironman Training helped me trust that I could survive and even build capacity in the very real experience of so much pain. I also want to acknowledge my privilege in having access to medical diagnostic testing.
Also to name, Heart Disease in women is an important topic to talk about as symptoms present differently. You can read more here.
Psychedelic Somatic Therapy has absolutely changed my life. It allowed me to access traumas in my body that I never thought I could reach. Through this modality, I have dropped into the Self in such a profound way that I would describe the journey as an Ego Death. It feels like the parts of me that existed merely to survive my parents, are finally getting a chance to lay to rest. The part of me that felt relationships and connection extended only as much as I could give care, are softening so that I can rest in receptivity. There is healing in the give and take that is relationships. In somatic words, I am de-thawing and softening. Which is always an act of deep liberating freedom.
There is much more I could share in this experience that I will leave for another time including how this inner-journey intertwines with collective liberation— especially given the timing of my cocoon with my and Western world’s awakening to the many Genocides globally, including Palestine, Sudan, Congo. This deserves my focus in writing about for another time. But, what I do want to convey is how much I have allowed myself to transform from the inside out in this past year. My deepening of my inner-work has created an opening— I am more capable of holding a container for DEEP emotional journeys. Speaking Grief is a language that transcends words. The Ancestors have guided me in the Root Work, as I hear/feel it so appropriately named. It is deeper, more connected, and more relational than “standard pelvic PT.” I feel truly honored to offer this type of care and to equally report that I continue to receive deep relational healing.
Starting in 2025, I will be sharing more about my upcoming offerings around incorporating Psychedelics in the Root Work I offer. For now, I want to deeply thank all who have trusted me in their inner-work this past year. I have grown so much and I feel Rooted PT has really mirrored back to me that “Me-Care is We-Care”— which is a fundamental truth to collective healing first written about by Audre Lorde, a Black, Queer, Disabled writer, poet, and change-maker of her time, whose work has deeply influenced my offerings.
To close this— my Ironman is October 27th! I look forward to concluding this part of my journey, which will also mark 6 months since my Mom’s transition.
If you are currently a client, I would recommend booking your appointments out for the rest of the year, as my availability in November is sparse.
Thank you. I love you. Tenderly,
Grace